
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/606062.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Zombies, First_Time
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-12-24 Words: 9563
****** Us Until the World Ends ******
by anyothergirl415
Summary
     It hit Jensen then, how strange this entire thing was. They were in
     the middle of the street, in the middle of a town that was probably
     full of zombies that were hurrying as quick as their dead legs could
     carry them toward the scent of blood trickling down Jared's leg. And
     here the boy was, grinning and bouncing like they were about to head
     into fucking Disney World.
Sometimes, without even meaning to, Jensen found himself humming or whistling
or singing the words to songs he hadn't heard in months. It was like a
subconscious tic, like his brain could only handle so much silence - or echoing
screams, echoing gunshots, echoing anguish. He'd be creeping slowly through a
long-abandoned traffic jam and pause halfway through Stairway to Heaven to
consider how stupid he was being. Anyone could hear him. And what would he do
then?
But no matter how many times he caught himself - always with the silent rant
and rave over the risks - it never failed to happen again. It was damn
dangerous and Jensen knew that.
And still. Here he was.
"Oh, Mama, I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law." The song fell
from Jensen's lips against his control - at least he had pretty good taste in
music - as he roamed along the grocery store aisle. His ears were straining
beyond the noises he was making, always alert - in was one of the better
qualities he'd fine-tuned over the last few months.
Just when he realized he was singing aloud again and it wasn't the internal
soundtrack he'd been intending, his head was jerking up and his hand was
lifting. The gun in his grasp was cool and reassuring, the most grounding thing
he had in this world that had all gone to hell.
Jensen sucked in slow deep breaths and narrowed his eyes, crouching down so his
head wouldn't be obvious over the top of the low shelving. He peered through
the shelves and his heart rate picked up speed, thudding too loud in his ears.
They could hear it, they always could. Brainless, emotionless, the fucking dead
come back to life and still they could pick out food from miles away.
He thought that made them animals. Which made it just a little easier to shoot
when it came down to it. But then, he'd changed in a lot of ways since the
world ended.
Jensen sucked in a deep breath as his finger tightened on the trigger and the
form shuffled closer. It was still picking up his scent, or his heartbeat, or
whatever it was that caused them to flock to the nearest living thing.
Sucking in a few quick breaths Jensen slowly backed up, glancing over his
shoulder at the door he'd crept through a few minutes before. He'd really
thought this store was empty and it sucked that it wasn't: Jensen was running
low on supplies.
Before he had a chance to slip outside something loud clattered across the
store and his eyes widened with the echo of a low curse. He was pretty sure the
dead ones didn't talk. The creature spun toward the noise, growling loudly and
quickening its pace. Jensen was in the clear; he could make a break for it and
be gone long before others showed up - because others always showed up - and
that was what he should do.
But, like the songs he couldn't ever get himself to stop humming or whistling
or singing, Jensen couldn't just leave.
"God damnit," he muttered under his breath and ducked down, hurrying quickly
across the store. The clattering of whatever - cans from the shelves, probably
- grew louder as the person obviously realized the dead ones were coming and he
- or she, which was just as likely - was screwed. "Come on!"
"Oh shit. Oh fuck." The boy - because it was just a boy, Jensen realized a
moment later as he rounded the last aisle - skidded quickly back, sliding over
the cans.
"What the hell are you doing? Get up and run!" Jensen hurried forward and
stooped down, snagging the boy's sleeve and dragging him roughly up to his
feet. The last thing Jensen really needed was someone who couldn't even handle
not freaking out when face to face with real life goddamn zombies and he
considered just making a break for it - sure he could ignore that nagging
little bit of humanity that had kept him there in the first place.
Then his eyes landed on the bag the boy was fumbling for and his heart lurched
all over again. Food. A whole shitload of food. Cans of tuna and crackers and
peanut butter and even something that looked suspiciously like a package of
Oreos. It was alright to be selfish if it meant saving this kid’s life at the
same time, right?
"Oh my god, oh my god," the boy gasped and finally tugged the bag quickly over
his shoulder and straightened up.
It was then Jensen realized exactly why he was freaking out so much. There was
a smear of fresh blood along the white tile floor and the boy limped as he
hurried forward. Jensen's stomach knotted up but he simply tightened his hold
on the boy's arm and tugged him hard back through the store. The dead one was
close, Jensen could feel fingers grabbing at his sweatshirt hood, but he wanted
to spare a bullet if he could.
"Get outside, see how far the others are." Jensen shoved the boy toward the
door and spun, twisting the gun in his hand and driving the butt of the weapon
hard into an already broken skull. This one - a woman, once upon a time, maybe
even the wife of the man who owned this Mom and Pop store - had obviously had
it rough before the end. Jensen pursed his lips together and tried not to
inhale the acrid dead stench as he drove the weapon over and over into her
head.
It was better not to use a bullet. It would keep the others away for a while.
She was just an animal. She wasn't human. Jensen did what he had to. To
survive.
"Let me see it," Jensen snapped the moment he was outside once more, sucking in
a deep breath to keep the churn of bile at bay. It never got any easier but he
supposed if it did, he wouldn't be all that human any more.
"W-what?" The boy stuttered out, eyes darting either way down the street then
back on Jensen. "See what?"
"Your leg." Jensen didn't have patience for this kind of thing, they didn't
have time to wait. "Fucking drop your jeans and let me see."
"Why?" When the brows drew together Jensen felt like reaching out and smacking
him. How the hell this kid had made it so long in this new dead world, Jensen
really didn't know. "Do you really think this is the time?I'm not bringing you
with me if you've been bit. So if you don't wanna keep sitting around here
being zombie bait I suggest you drop 'em so we can get a fucking move on."
Jensen's fingers were trembling from the lingering adrenaline but he didn't
want to let any of that weakness to be obvious in his actions. So he spun the
grip and pulled the rag from his pocket, scrubbing the lingering dark sticky
blood from the weapon.
It had the desired effect. The boy's eyes grew wide and the way his own hands
shook intensified as he fumbled quickly with the fastener on his jeans. Jensen
watched - for just a moment, because he couldn't seem to look away - then
turned, scanning up and down the streets just in case. The others couldn't be
far off, they never were, and they probably shouldn't be doing this here. But
if this kid was bit, it was too late for him, and Jensen wasn't going to risk
his life dragging around a soon-to-be-dead-head for no reason.
"I was just trying to get away, without drawing its attention, you know? Ran
into the jagged part of the shelf, that's all it is." There was a bright red
flush on the boy's cheeks and he kept his head down as he dropped his pants,
letting them pool around his ankles.
Jensen believed him, though he probably shouldn't. He should get close and
inspect the wound, make sure it was what he said, but it wasn't like the dead
ones ate with grace. They'd bite through the denim if it meant getting at flesh
and, even if there was a fair bit of blood, it wasn't near the amount it would
have been.
"Alright fine, pull 'em up and let's get out of here." Jensen huffed and
stepped forward as the kid yanked his jeans back up, slinging the heavy supply
bag up onto his shoulder. "Let's get out of here before the rest show up."
"What's your name?" Finally the kid seemed to stop shaking, or at least he
managed to quicken his pace even with the limp and keep up with Jensen. "Who
says I'm gonna go with you, anyway?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, do you have another option?" Jensen kept walking but arched his
eyebrow at the boy, slow smirk tugging at his lips. "Because clearly you've got
your shit all together."
"Was just a rough morning. I'm Jared, by the way, since you asked and all."
When Jared rolled his eyes he stopped mid-motion, a look of surprise crossing
his face. Like he'd stopped thinking something so commonplace would happen to
him again.
Jensen understood. It was weird, something as normal as teasing in a world that
was anything but. "I'm Jensen. My truck is just up here."
"You can drive?" Jared collided with Jensen's back when he stopped suddenly,
turning to Jared with arched brows. "What? You hardly look older than me."
Jensen choked on a laugh that surprised him and continued walking, shaking his
head as he hurried toward his truck once more. "Oh, yeah, 'cause cops? They're
really cracking down lately. I'm seventeen, Jared. Plus the ten or so years you
get by default just surviving in this hellhole."
"That would make me twenty-six. Sweet." Jared scratched along his shoulder and
shot Jensen a bright grin, continuing to follow after Jensen in a quick limp.
It hit Jensen then, how strange this entire thing was. They were in the middle
of the street, in the middle of a town that was probably full of zombies that
were hurrying as quick as their dead legs could carry them toward the scent of
blood trickling down Jared's leg. And here the boy was, grinning and bouncing
like they were about to head into fucking Disney World.
"You know, you're pretty fucking weird." Jensen shook his head and yanked the
door of his truck roughly open, tossing his bag quickly inside. "Get in before
we become someone's dinner."
"You know, you're pretty fucking morbid," Jared shot back and threw Jensen
another of those grins before hurrying around the passenger side, tugging at
the door and climbing in.
-===-
They rode in silence for hours, which surprised Jensen. It seemed a little like
Jared was the chatty type, he expected to be hit with a million questions, but
then he’d highly underestimated how long Jared must have been struggling on his
own. The moment they were free of the town Jensen glanced toward his new
passenger and realized the boy was asleep, slumped against the window,
completely relaxed like he probably hadn't been for the last two months.
Jensen considered the idea of keeping Jared around and what that would mean.
For two months, eight of the longest weeks of his life, Jensen fought to keep
surviving in this world. He slept locked in his truck, parked in any hiding
place he could find, clutching the gun between his fingers. And even then it
was only for two or three hours at a time, waking with a start and looking
around wildly because he always expected them to be there, waiting to devour
him.
But with Jared there... maybe sleeping would be easier. They could take turns,
Jensen could fully relax for a while; he wouldn't be completely alone anymore.
Around the second hour of their drive to nowhere - because where would they go?
What difference would it make? - Jensen realized just how stupid his line of
thought was. The kid had just about ended up as zombie bait back at the store,
and he'd been foolish enough to get cut. The idea of him being strong enough to
keep an eye on Jensen and keep him safe was ridiculous.
Knowing Jensen's luck, Jared didn't even know how to use a weapon, or even kill
the dead ones. So Jensen would let the kid sleep, he'd patch him up, and then
he'd send him on his way. This world was dangerous and not just because of the
zombies. Jensen had learned this firsthand.
It took another two hours and Jensen finally pulling off onto a dirt road for
Jared to wake up. The boy looked around quickly, scanning out the windows as
Jensen slowly drew to a stop. They weren't really anywhere, but it was secluded
which was enough, and being at the top of a hill made keeping an eye on things
easier.
"Where are we?" Jared asked as the engine ticked steadily as it cooled off..
Jensen reclined back in the seat and rubbed along the back of his neck.
"Nevada. Few hours outside Indian Springs. I don't plan on driving through the
city, too big."
"So you're kind of... I mean, you've got your shit together. You know what
you're doing." Jared exhaled shakily and swayed forward in his seat, sitting
hard back against the door a beat later.
It was only then Jensen realized how badly Jared was shaking, how pale his skin
was. He should have realized it earlier but apparently he didn't always know
what he was doing. "Come on, get out and come around back."
Jensen shoved the door opened and climbed quickly out, tucking his gun into the
back of his jeans and hurrying around to open the tailgate. It wasn't like
Jensen knew a whole lot about wounds and medicine and fixing someone up but it
wasn't too hard to figure out when someone was not doing so well. And Jared
looked just a tiny bit better than the zombies, which wasn't saying much.
"What..." Jared frowned and limped forward, leaning against the truck heavily.
"You're not kicking me out are you?"
"No. Drop your pants and get up here." Jensen tugged one of the bags forward,
sorting through the medical supplies he'd managed to collect.
"You really seem to have a thing about getting me outta my pants," Jared
muttered but he didn't protest, slipping out of his jeans and climbing slowly
up onto the back of the truck.
Jensen huffed a laugh and snagged a bottle of water, offering it out to Jared
with a couple pills. "Take these, I'm gonna patch you up."
It was silent for a long few minutes as Jensen worked, using alcohol pads to
sweep over the area and inspect the damage. The cut wasn't all that bad which
surprised Jensen but he bit back the questions rising up in him as he wrapped
an ace bandage around the boy's calf, hoping it might mask some of the blood
smell. When he glanced up Jared had his eyes closed and he slowly swayed from
side to side.
"How long has it been since you've eaten?" Jensen finally asked, stepping back
and balling up the trash, stuffing it in a Ziploc bag.
"Define eaten," Jared breathed, slowly blinking his eyes open and giving Jensen
a small smile. "Had a Twinkie yesterday."
"God. How are you still alive?" Jensen huffed and turned away, shaking his head
as his gaze scanned down the hill, checking just in case. It was all clear for
now but it wasn't likely to stay that way for long. They needed a place to rest
for the night, Jared needed some real food, and somehow the decision to kick
Jared to the curb was long gone. "We have to find somewhere to camp for the
night. I've got some jerky in my bag you can eat for the protein."
"That mean you'll let me stay?" Despite how exhausted Jared looked, his pale
skin and shaky fingers, he pushed off the tailgate and stooped down to tug his
pants up. "At least for a little while?"
If his father were still alive, Jensen was pretty sure the man would remind him
just how stupid this idea was. Jared would only drag him down, use up his
supplies, and put his life at risk. But Jensen had never been as strong as his
dad - except that one time and that had taken a lot out of him.
"Yeah. At least for a little while." Jensen turned to head back to the driver's
side.
-===-
It took another three hours to find a place that seemed moderately safe for the
night. The house was in the middle of nowhere - a shack more than anything else
- and Jensen hadn't seen any zombies for a solid hour. Still he did a thorough
sweep of the shack before helping Jared carry everything inside and insisted
they sleep in one of the back bedrooms that had no windows.
"You don't think you're maybe going a little overboard?" Jared asked quietly as
Jensen nailed several boards over the door, fiddling with the lantern Jensen
had brought in.
Jensen stopped mid-swing and turned back to Jared, eyebrows arching
incredulously. "You do remember almost becoming a tasty treat this afternoon,
right?"
"You spend hours coming up with these zombie food metaphors, don't you?" Jared
shot back easily and smirked, the action fading as he shifted back and rubbed
over his stomach.
As if on cue the boy's stomach rumbled so loudly Jensen almost flinched. He
finished pounding the nail in and turned, dropping the hammer in his bag and
stooping down to dig through his supplies. "Here, eat this. We're about as safe
for the night as we can get in this world. Maybe we can get some real sleep."
Jared dug greedily into the bag of jerky, stuffing pieces quickly into his
mouth and chewing noisily. "God, that'd be fucking amazing. Pretty sure I
haven't had a full night's sleep since shit hit the fan."
Jensen nodded because that was the only way to survive in this world. In this
room though, he felt safe enough to even let his guard down some. Any zombie
trying to get to them would make enough noise Jensen would wake before they
could break through the wood.
He was tired enough he felt like he could crash right then and there but his
own stomach grumbled in protest so he crawled toward Jared's supply bag
instead. It was strange having someone there with him, like somehow in the last
couple of months Jensen had forgotten seventeen years of well-learned social
skills.
They ate in silence and Jensen tried not to strain his ears, not to listen for
any potential threats. He had to pretend, just for this moment, that they were
safe here. Even if they weren't and they never would be.
"We should get some sleep," Jensen spoke around a mouthful of food, stuffing
too much jerky in his mouth because the way his stomach curled together in
hunger felt almost painful. Sometimes Jensen could go days without eating, he
just had to. But then it hit him, hard, like it always did, and it seemed like
there could never be enough food.
Jared eyed him with raised brows, chewing slowly on the jerky. "Where are you
from? You know... back before."
The idea of having casual conversation - over jerky, in a room they were
boarded into, on a bed they'd be sharing though they'd known each other less
than twelve hours - was a little surreal. Jensen swallowed thick and full,
biting down on his lip in his haste. "Um, what?"
"Well you had to live somewhere, right? With... a family or whatever? Someone
you had before everything happened?" Jared didn't seem to have any qualms about
laying it out there, asking Jensen like it couldn't possibly have been a
sensitive subject.
Jensen stuffed the remaining jerky into the bag and tossed all the supplies on
the floor, standing to tug the blanket back a moment later. He tried not think
about how creepy it was, sleeping in some bed that could have belonged to
anyone. After all, it wasn't like he could really afford to be picky right now.
And Jensen would much rather think about stupid things like this then Jared's
question that stung and burned in the worst way.
"Wow okay, sorry, apparently I shouldn't have gone there," Jared mumbled,
hurrying to stand quickly when Jensen yanked the blanket from beneath him.
There was no way Jensen was letting himself feel guilty for apparently hurting
Jared's feelings. They didn't even know each other, and they weren't going to.
Jensen wasn't looking for a friend, or a companion, they weren't going to
become best friends or lovers or ride off into the sunset together. No, they'd
watch each other’s back, keep an eye out where the other couldn't, and that
would be that.
"Well, I'm from Texas. I was at a theater camp in San Francisco, you know, when
everything happened. But I'm working my way back to Texas now, to find my
family. They'll be waiting for me. It's taken forever to get this far but now
that you're here with a truck we can-"
"What are you doing?" Jensen snapped, turning to watch as Jared pulled off his
socks, laying them on top of his sneakers. The boy hesitated and looked up and
Jensen shook his head. "You sleep with your socks and shoes on Jared, god,
don't be an idiot."
"What? But, no one's going to get in here. We're safe." Jared looked around the
small room, gaze lingering on the nailed in boards.
Jensen wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or smack Jared hard on the back of the
head. Maybe, possibly, both. And very hard. "We are never safe Jared, don't you
get that? Fuck, how the hell have you even survived this long? If a zombie is
breaking through the wood on the door trying to get at us and we have to run
for our fucking lives do you really want to waste time getting dressed?"
"I have survived just fine, thank you very much. And I am not sleeping in my
shoes. Pretty sure if I really have to run for my life I'm not gonna mind doing
so barefoot." Jared rolled his eyes like this logic was simple and self-
explanatory.
Fuck this, Jensen was going to ditch Jared as soon as feasibly possible. He
clearly would not be capable of anything of actual worth. He didn't bother with
an answer, choosing to ignore Jared entirely and climb onto one side of the
bed, lying on top of the blankets even if he'd just gone through all the effort
of tugging them back. It wasn't like comfort was really his top priority, at
this point he was just glad not to be scrunched in the cab of his truck.
"So, we can go to Texas, right?" Jared asked after a few minutes of silence -
after he'd undressed to just his boxers and t-shirt and slipped under the
blankets, settling on the bed like it was no big deal.
God, this was a really fucking big deal. Jensen didn't understand how Jared
didn't get that. Until, of course, the question sank in and the boy's babbling
from before hit him. Jensen rolled slowly and tried to stare at Jared in the
darkness. He hadn't even realized Jared had turned the lantern off. "You were
alone, when everything went to shit, right?"
"Well... not technically alone. I was at the theater camp. All the news reports
started up and I was able to get ahold of my parents, before the lines went
dead you know? My Mama told me to get to her, to come home. So I packed up my
bag and... did. Or started too. Got some rides at first but... it's kind of
hard to know who to trust."
There was so much ease behind Jared's words, discussing everything like they
were picking out favorite movies and the scenes that made them amazing. The
startling realization that Jared, somehow against all odds, had managed to
remain innocent and untouched by the now-cold, dark, brutal world was enough to
melt all the agitation and annoyance from Jensen's mind.
Slowly but surely he kicked free of his shoes, shifting along the bed to slide
under the blankets and scoot just a little closer. Jared was facing him, lying
on his side, and though Jensen couldn't seem him in the pitch dark he could
feel the heat of the boy and the steady release of air from his lips.
"Jared..." Jensen whispered and reached out through the darkness until his
fingers touched the boy's soft cotton shirt. "You might not like what we find,
if we go there."
"My family will be waiting for me," Jared insisted, so sure it brought a
surprising prick of tears to Jensen's eyes. "They promised. They'll be waiting,
you'll see. And you can stay with us. We'll get through this together."
Jensen curled the soft cotton shirt beneath his fingers and closed his eyes,
relieved that Jared couldn't see the pain on his face. "Okay. Okay. We'll go to
Texas."
"Good," Jared breathed and moved just a little closer.
-===-
When Jensen woke it was with a start - which wasn't that surprising, since that
tended to be his most common method for waking lately. This time though, he
wasn't cramped and there was something hot and pressing into his chest along
with a puddle of wet that Jensen was pretty sure was drool. Jensen scrunched
his face up and tried not to think too much about Jared full-out cuddling him.
In the distance - probably miles from them, but without a window it was
impossible to tell - Jensen could hear the loud shrill of sirens. It was enough
to shake any of the pleasant warmth he was maybe soaking in. Sirens weren't all
that strange, sometimes people hijacked police cars or something, blared the
noise like it would scare off the undead. But Jensen had seen the direct
results of those sirens and the absolute last thing it did was send them
running.
"Fuck. Jared. Get up, come on." Jensen shoved at Jared, clambering up to his
feet and hurrying to tug his shoes on.
"Wha?" Jared mumbled sleepily, the mattress squeaking as he sat up.
Jensen hurried over to the lantern, flicking it on to try and get Jared moving.
"Did you hear them? The sirens? That's like the fucking batcall for the undead.
We'll be live bait in the middle of a full-on herd if we don't get the hell out
of here now."
"A herd? You do realize they're not cattle right?" Jared's voice was rough with
sleep but he started dressing automatically, stumbling into his jeans.
"No, they're worse than cattle. Because they will catch our scent and tear
through the wood to get to us and we'll be stuck in this fucking room with no
windows, just waiting for them to tear us apart." Jensen spoke as he shoved
items into their bags, desperate to be back in the truck and on the road.
It was really the only safe place they could be, no matter what type of
illusion they'd created in this room.
The noise across the room had ceased and Jensen's head snapped up, eyes
narrowing on Jared. "Did you not catch onto the fucking urgency of this
situation?"
"I think maybe you need to get laid." Jared dropped onto the edge of the bed,
tugging on his socks and shoes with none of the speed Jensen would have
preferred.
Jensen blinked over at the boy then down at his bag, laughing though he should
be freaking the fuck out. He could feel the rise of panic in his chest, he knew
just what would happen if they were caught up in the swarm, and still Jared was
somehow making him laugh. Yesterday, before they'd met, Jensen was pretty sure
any comment like that would have caused his irritation to snap.
"Would you just pick up the pace a little? Because I will leave you behind as
bait if I have to." Jensen straightened up and spun to the door, using the back
of the hammer in his bag to pull the nails and boards free.
By the time the wood was gone Jared was there behind him, gripping both bags
and the lantern, watching Jensen with arched brows. "Well? What are you waiting
for? The dinner bell?"
Jensen snorted - somehow Jared kept bringing that out in him - and gripped a
gun in his palm as he slowly twisted the knob and pushed the door open. Having
Jared watching his back, knowing someone was there, made traveling out into the
unknown easier than it had ever been.
And Jensen was oddly okay with that.
-===-
As it turned out, Jared knew how to drive. Jensen had stopped being surprised
by the little things involving the boy but this one hit him in a different way.
Maybe because Jared had seemed so surprised that Jensen could, or maybe it was
just that strange and perfect little innocence Jared had. Like driving could
somehow taint that.
Jensen had seen the way Jared's gaze scanned the horizon though as they'd
headed out to the truck. He'd watch Jared's fingers curl around the hilt of a
blade as they loaded things in the back and hurried to the cab. But the boy had
never needed to raise his weapon and that smile was on his lips as they sped
from the cabin and began the slow journey toward Texas.
The drive was relatively normal, considering the circumstances. Jared sang
random songs - Jensen tried not to think about how that was usually his M.O. -
in between his never-ending babbling and Jensen tried not to scan the horizon
too often. He couldn't help it though and it barely took a few hours for his
eyes to start aching with that familiar burn. He knew they'd have to stop soon.
Which is how he learned Jared could drive.
"Wanna switch for a while?" Jared suggested after an unusual stretch of
silence.
Jensen pursed his lips and looked over at Jared, his foot lifting slightly from
the gas. "Do you even know how?"
"I grew up on a ranch, Jen, I've been driving since I was twelve." Jared
laughed, reclining back in the seat with that enviable ease.
And Jensen wanted to trust Jared, wanted to recline in the seat as well, but
giving up control like that seemed like an impossibility. His fingers tightened
on the wheel and his jaw clenched, the determination crawling up his spine.
Somehow Jared had wormed his way into every other part of Jensen already but it
was not happening here.
"Who was it?" Jared asked quietly a few minutes later.
He was sitting up now, turned toward Jensen with furrowed brows and pursed
lips. When Jensen didn't answer - just looked away and shrugged - Jared reached
out and let his fingers curl steadily over Jensen's shoulder. The squeeze was
soft, barely there, but Jensen felt another one of those walls crumbling.
Who the fuck was this Jared guy anyway?
"It's just you and me here now, Jensen. We're all the other has got. The sooner
you accept that and open up to me the better it'll be."
There was something so cocky about Jared's words - though his tone was
soothing, likely meant to be reassuring - that Jensen found his foot literally
stomping down on the brake. It sent Jared flying forward into the dash and haa
the cocky son of a bitch could just deal with that, he deserved it. "Get the
fuck over yourself, Jared. Stop acting like I need you here. Stop acting like
you're the one going out of your way to save me."
"And you think you're doing the saving?" For the first time ever there was a
strong note of anger to Jared's words, enough to have Jensen slowly turning to
look his way. The boy's lips twisted together in a scowl as his fingers rubbed
over his forehead. "Stop looking at me like you think I'm some goddamn idiot. I
mean, fuck Jensen, how do you think I managed to survive these last two months?
You think I haven't taken a life? You think I haven't experienced all the shit
out there? I don't live in some magic bubble that death and violence and gore
hasn't penetrated."
Believe it or not but Jensen somehow found himself intimidated by the fire
behind Jared's words, the anger in his gaze. He swallowed thickly and looked
away, peering out the window because it seemed safer. Which was saying a lot.
It wasn't like he really thought Jared was all that innocent - no matter how
idealistic his fantasies had gotten - but he'd never pictured Jared killing one
of them.
How could he still smile and joke around after something like that?
Jared sighed and Jensen could feel his anger deflating, his hand extending to
brush a soft touch down Jensen's arm once more. "Look... I get that it's
different for everyone. We all process things in our own way. I'm just saying,
you're not alone anymore. I'm here now. Give me some credit and let me carry
some of the burden."
In that moment Jensen had a hard time believing Jared was truly sixteen years
old. He sounded so much older - twenty six, like he'd joked about the day
before - and Jensen felt awash with something new.
Relief. The idea of Jared really carrying some of the burden, easing the
pressure, being there. Wetting his lips slowly, Jensen turned to Jared and
nodded, reaching out to take the boy's hand.
"Okay. You can drive."
The grin on Jared's face was blinding and Jensen found his own came easier than
it had in so very long.
-===-
Over the course of the next couple days Jensen learned more about Jared than
he'd ever really needed to know. Like, apparently the boy had an obsession with
Moulin Rouge, and his singing was really horrible. And he never ran out of
things to say. That was one of those little things that could be annoying if
Jensen didn't find himself smiling so often.
Jensen had calculated on the map - while Jared drove, very well for that matter
- that it was a twenty hour drive to Jared's hometown. But they had to avoid
all the major towns to avoid any extensive zombie population and it added an
extra day at least to their journey. Between stops and not driving at night -
just to be safe - it was going to take roughly four days to get to Austin.
And then, they somehow had to figure out how to get through the city to get to
the Padalecki residence, but Jensen was trying not to think about it too much.
Currently, his gaze was fixed out on the fields, seeking a place they might be
able to camp overnight, and Jared's babble was washing over his shoulders like
it had been for hours. Jensen probably wouldn't have even given it much
thought, would have just dismissed whatever ramble Jared found himself on, if
the words hadn't suddenly hit him like a fist in the gut.
"Well then I kissed Wallace, which was much better than kissing Margie most
definitely, and made me realize that I am most definitely gay. Not that I
really think that matters now."
"You're gay?" Jensen jerked toward him, eyes widening. It surprised him - not
in a bad way - and he wasn't entirely sure why he hadn't realized that before.
"Why would that not matter now?"
"Um, yes, I am. I think at least. It's not gonna matter because who would date
me now? Will dating even matter, really? I'm going to get zombified and I'll be
a virgin forever." Jared sighed dramatically, looking toward Jensen with a
smirk like it really was a big joke.
Jensen still didn't quite get how Jared could do that, joke around about the
end of the world so easily. But he found himself smiling in return, then
laughing, then trailing off as he realized exactly what this meant. "Me too. I
mean, the gay thing. And I guess the virgin thing. Just had a blow job before.
I um, I really didn't think you might be..."
"Oh. Oh. So maybe... maybe it does matter then." A blush crawled up Jared's
cheeks and he ducked his head down, tightening his grip on the wheel.
Things like sex hadn't really mattered all that much to Jensen since the
outbreak. Why would he even think about hooking up with Jared when they were
running for their life more often than not? Now, of course, it was going to be
all he could think about.
"Um. I guess maybe we should look for a place to stay for the night. Unless you
want to push further, see how close we can get to the city limits." Jensen knew
it was going to be a completely different ballgame once they made it to Austin.
They'd have to stash the truck somewhere safe and make the trek on foot.
And yes, it was better to think about those trivial details then the
possibility of more between them. Jensen wasn't sure he could add more to the
overload that was his mind since the world ended. There was a part of him
desperate for what could be though, because he'd spent two months living on his
guard and he couldn't imagine something quite as amazing as real touch.
"Let's find somewhere close, for tonight. Tomorrow we'll reach the city.
Tomorrow we'll deal with everything." Jared's tone was a mixture of things:
excitement at what was to come, nerves for the day following, and hope.
It was that hope Jensen was most scared of. Because, he thought, it might not
be there that much longer.
-===-
Jensen couldn't imagine a single seventeen year old boy that didn't think about
sex, about losing their virginity. Hell, Jensen had been thinking about it for
years, but he'd always thought he had plenty of time. There had never been
anyone to catch his interest enough to take that step with, and then the
outbreak. After that first-time sex went down on the list of important must
experience things. Staying alive was the number one.
And yet, somehow, Jensen found himself here in this position, with Jared.
They'd located an abandoned farmhouse a good two hundred miles outside of
Austin and gone through the usual process of barricading themselves inside a
room. This particular room was on the second floor, window overlooking the
porch roof. It would be prime for a quick escape should any of the walking dead
make their way upstairs.
Because of the window though, they kept the lantern off and ate in darkness and
silence, sitting close enough on the bed to feel the heat of each other but not
touch. Jensen's heart was racing in a way he hadn't felt in a long time, in a
way he never thought he would feel again. The adrenaline of running for your
life, killing undead to save yourself, was nothing like this.
"Why are you alone?" Jared asked countless minutes later, pulling Jensen from
his tumble of thoughts.
Jensen frowned and peered through the moonlight spilling in from the window,
wondering where the question came from. "What?"
"You've kind of, mentioned it before. Something about your dad. And I was
wondering... what happened? If you wanted to tell me about it." Jared shifted a
little closer along the mattress until their thighs were pressed together. "It
might feel good to share."
Pursing his lips, Jensen looked away, tempted to stand and cross the room. He'd
just been thinking about sex, losing his virginity, and now Jared wanted to
talk about that? "It won't. It's not gonna - I don't want to discuss it. Can we
just talk about something else? Or not talk at all."
Jared considered him silently for a while, his expression more serious and
intense than any Jensen had seen on his face so far. And even if it was dark,
Jensen's gaze had adjusted enough he was pretty sure he could read the clear
sympathy on the boy's features. Like he’d already guessed the story - and maybe
he had, at least the majority of it. Jensen was sure it wasn't all that
challenging to figure out.
For some reason the sympathy really got under his skin, though. Jensen didn't
want the pity, the comforting understanding. He was Jared's damn savior and did
not need to be saved in return.
In the next moment he was in motion, lurching across the mattress and crushing
hard into Jared's chest. Their lips collided in a nearly painful crush, slick
and constant, sliding together with enough force Jensen wasn't even all that
sure it was good. But then Jared's fingers extended, brushing over his jaw in a
smooth caress, and the simple gesture was enough to have Jensen pulling back
and meeting the boy's eyes in the darkness.
For a long time they simply stared at each other, things passing that they
could never say aloud - or maybe didn't have to - before Jensen was moving
again. This time their kiss was everything opposite of the way it was before.
Soft and gentle and warm and accompanied with that little spark Jensen had
always thought he'd find one day. He wanted that, just like everyone did, but
he'd given up any thought that it could be his.
Jensen wasn't sure how they got undressed, he could barely sense anything
beyond the way their lips slid together and the heat of their skin as it
brushed together. It was perfect in a way Jensen thought nothing could ever be
again. Their naked bodies rolled together on the mattress as Jared pushed him
back, sliding over the sheets as they swallowed each other’s moans.
"Touch me," Jared gasped into the kiss, the words barely a whisper exhaled
between the part of their lips. "I need it."
When it came down to it, Jensen didn't really need much more persuading than
that; he needed it too. Jensen knew the logistics of sex, he'd done his fair
share of searching the subject back before, but it had certainly never been
something like this before. Watching it happen was nothing compared to feeling
it.
Actually, come to think of it, feeling in general was a little more
overwhelming than he'd anticipated but there was no way he was turning back
now.
Jared pressed a bottle into his palm - Jensen snorted a laugh, imaging Jared
picking it out during one of their grocery shop excursions - and thumbed the
cap open. It was begging without saying a word and at this point Jensen didn't
think there was anything more to be said.
The lube was cool and slick coating his fingers and Jensen swallowed thickly as
he stretched out, rubbing the tip of his finger slowly over puckered flesh.
Jensen knew Jared had said he'd never done this before but he sure acted like
he did, rocking eagerly back into the touch, drawing in each of Jensen's
fingers with barely silenced eagerness.
"Come on, come on," Jared chanted, squirming on the bed and tugging at Jensen's
hair impatiently.
Jensen wasn't all that surprised that Jared was chatty and impatient and eager
for something he couldn't even be one hundred percent certain he'd like. Of
course, judging by the hard length of hot flesh occasionally rubbing up against
Jensen's side it wasn't all that unlikely.
This wasn't about desperation - though Jensen imagined that time would come in
the future - instead it was simply affirmation. Somehow they had made it to
this point, they had survived through so many odds, and the walls Jensen worked
so hard to build around himself had been picked apart.
He'd never felt that more than he did at that moment, sitting back to watch his
fingers breach Jared's body, knowing he was only minutes from claiming. For the
first time in so very long, Jensen let himself forget about the world outside
their barricaded farmhouse and lost himself in Jared alone.
The first breach into tight heated muscle was overwhelming and Jensen nearly
lost control, falling over Jared's body and sliding their lips roughly
together. It was as much to drown out each other’s moans as it was to connect
them in every way possible. Jensen felt nearly lightheaded, thrilled, content
in a way he'd given up hope on feeling.
"Jensen," Jared whispered countless minutes later, after Jensen had sank all
the way forward and Jared had taken his time adjusting to the feel of being
stretched.
Jensen pushed up enough to peer down at Jared, swallowing the lump rising in
his throat. It wasn't even that long ago, when he wasn't even sure he could
tolerate the boy, and now Jensen couldn't imagine a life without him. "I love
you."
Surprise covered Jared's face for just a moment and then his smile softened,
his body arched up into the touch. "I love you, too."
Maybe it was just their circumstances, how could they even say it was real? But
Jensen was pretty sure none of that really mattered, not as long as they lived
in this world and had each other to cling to.
Pleasure curled thick through Jensen as he pulled back and thrust forward,
steadily picking up pace, keeping their lips brushing constantly. Jared never
stopped moving beneath him, squirming along the mattress and rocking up into
each of Jensen’s forward thrusts.
By the time his orgasm hit Jensen could barely breathe. Every breath he sucked
in was full of their scent, musk and sex and nothing close to death and rot.
The heat of Jared's own release spread between their bodies and their kiss
deepened until Jensen wasn't sure they were two separate people any longer.
"Please don't ever leave me," Jared whispered as Jensen pulled back, falling to
the side and tucking in close.
Maybe, if the world hadn't ended, he and Jared would never have been friends.
They never would have met. But the dead had risen, the living barely managed to
keep going, and they could cling to one another.
"Not ever," Jensen breathed and shifted just a little closer.
-===-
"Come on baby, don't fear the reaper," Jensen tried to keep the song a low
murmur, his eyes sweeping up and down the road, finger curled over the trigger.
His shoulders were tense and every couple of steps he kept glancing at Jared,
just to be safe. Losing him now wasn't even an option. "Baby take my hand,
don't fear the reaper. We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper. Baby I'm
your man."
"Okay, seriously?" Jared stopped walking, straightening up to look at Jensen.
"Are you attempting irony?"
"I can't help it. Sometimes it just happens." Jensen shrugged, bumping a little
too hard into Jared's side. "I was singing that first time. When I saved your
life."
"Yeah, I remember." Jared's smile slowly grew and he kept resumed walking
forward, tipping his head back to start singing. Loudly. And very badly. "Oh
Mama, I'm in fear for my life from the long arm of the law."
At first Jensen's gaze snapped around, knowing just how much attention Jared
was drawing to them, but he couldn't help the way his smile grew and he found
himself joining in, singing just as loud and just as bad. "Lawman has put an
end to my running and I'm so far from my home."
Jared looped their arms together and practically started skipping as he led
them down the road. "Oh mama, I can hear your crying you're so scared and all
alone. Hangman is comin-"
Although Jared kept singing, Jensen cut off on a strangled note, entire body
tensing as he took in the incoming wave of undead. They were too loud, Jensen
had known better, but Jared always had this way about pulling him in.
"Shit, come on," Jared snagged his arm and tugged hard, pulling Jensen swiftly
down a back alley he wouldn't have even noticed before.
Jared knew the neighborhood well, which was - at the moment - the only good
thing they had going for them. He followed Jared blindly, twisting around to
fire at the zombies that staggered a little too close. The surge of adrenaline
rushing through Jensen was different than all the other times - though he found
it always was, given whatever situation. This time it came with the sharp spike
of fear - mostly for Jared's safety. There was no way Jensen would survive if
something happened to Jared because he'd been foolish enough to let them get
caught up in something like bad singing.
"We have to get back to the truck!" Jensen called out, knowing that running
down alleyways and firing off bullets wasn't going to do anything but draw even
more undead their way.
"Wait! It's just up here!" Jared swung wide around another corner and somehow
burst into another sprint like they hadn't been running for what already felt
like a lifetime.
It hadn't really been that long. Jensen had run longer. But it felt like it
would never end. Apparently there was some end in sight though and Jensen
picked up speed, glancing swiftly over his shoulder as they managed to pull
away from the oncoming zombies. They burst through the front door of a nice
house - or well, Jensen assumed it was nice; he didn't really have time to
consider it while spinning to slam the front door shut.
Now they were trapped, locked inside until the undead reached the house and
broke the door down. Jensen glanced toward the wide front room windows then
over at Jared, panting roughly. "Well this is just fucking great."
"Mom? Dad?" Jared called out, heading instantly through the house.
Jensen was almost afraid to look. He didn't think they'd find anyone - it
wasn't like the zombie Padaleckis would just hang around waiting for their
still-living son to come find them. He sank back against the door, sucking in
quick breaths and trying to calm the way his heart was racing.
How would he comfort Jared when he found nothing? Would they just keep
searching? Would they drive from town to town never finding answers and fucking
on the side? Why would they even bother trying?
"Jensen!" Jared yelled from somewhere further inside, startling Jensen from his
path of woe. "Jensen! Come see!"
Swallowing the newest burst of panic Jensen headed quickly down the hall,
scanning briefly along the walls decorated with family pictures and typical
Texan art. He skidded to a halt in the kitchen, watching as Jared dug through a
stuffed-full backpack on the kitchen counter.
"Jared?" Jensen asked quietly, sliding a hesitant step forward.
"They left a note, my parents. They've taken Megan and Jeff, they say there's a
safe camp, in Alabama. They tried to wait but they had to get out of here
before it become impossible. And look! They left supplies!" Jared alternated
between pulling out food - cans of meat, beans, even fucking peas like they had
to remember to eat their vegetables - and waving around the note still grasped
in his palm. "Oh! And they left keys too! To the car in the garage, so we don't
have to run all the way back to the truck."
It was impossible to describe the swell of emotions suddenly colliding through
Jensen. He knew he should feel relieved that Jared's family was alive, should
be excited about the extra supplies and the car provided, but there was a
little part of him that was steadily growing. Bitter. Jealous. Anger.
Jensen didn't have time to capitalize on the irrational emotions.
In the next moment there was a crash at the door and Jensen spun, watching as
the wood strained under another hard thump. "We've got to get out of here."
"Okay, okay. Garage is through here. Just, I'll grab the supplies, I've got the
map and the note. You wanna drive?" Jared hurried to pile everything in his
arms, leaving Jensen to carry the pack they'd brought with them and snag
Jared's gun from the countertop.
He'd drive because it was going to be a bit like bowling for undead. He
wouldn't focus on those festering feelings just then, save his own sanity.
-===-
Jensen didn't how long they'd been driving in silence but it felt like days.
They'd somehow managed to make it out of the city - front fender smeared with
tacky dark blood and pieces of matted flesh - and to the waiting truck. It
wasn't all that hard of a decision to ditch the truck - it was old and could
break down at any time - and keep the car. It would get them through tighter
spots, maybe help them make it safely to Alabama.
And it was a great thing - imagining a survivor camp, somewhere they could go
and feel safe - but Jensen couldn't seem to stop the way his stomach was
twisting and churning sickeningly.
"Alright, you want to tell me about it?" Jared finally asked - forever later,
when the town was long gone and the road stretched for miles in front of them.
Jensen's grip tightened on the wheel and his teeth clenched hard together.
Painfully. "I have no idea what you mean."
"Seems like you're pretty pissed. Does it really annoy you so much? Being stuck
with me even longer?" Jared's voice grew quiet with the questions and he
hurried on before Jensen could answer. "Because you can just go. I won't keep
you here. I can make it on my own."
Jensen's foot slammed on the brake, sending Jared flying forward into the dash.
He listened to the boy's hissed curse but his heart was racing and his palms
were sweating and Jared was so wrong. "You really think I'm that big of a
douche?"
"Fuck, I don't know! You just look like you wish my parents would have been
dead! And god, what the hell am I supposed to think about that?" Jared wiped at
his nose, turning slowly to look at Jensen.
It was kind of a now or never moment. Jensen just needed to lay it all out
there and give Jared the rest of him. He'd given everything else, there was no
point in holding back now. It was just them after all. Them and the fucking end
of the world. "I had to kill my dad."
Jared blinked, inhaling slowly and exhaling, watching Jensen with an unnerving
seriousness. "What?"
"When it happened. When all this shit started and things just, everything got
so fucking crazy." Jensen turned away from the stare because it was too much
and he didn't want Jared to see the tears pricking at his eyes. "My dad made me
promise, that I wouldn't let him turn into one of them. So I. I said yes,
because it seemed like an impossibility, that it would happen to him. But it
did. We went out one day, to get supplies, and he just, he got bit. So I had to
kill him. I had to shoot him, right in the head, I killed my fucking dad."
Jensen sucked on a shaky sob and in the next moment Jared was there, wrapping
his arms around Jensen's shoulders and pulling him in for a tight hug. "Oh Jen,
god, that's so- it's horrible. I'm so sorry. So, very sorry. But you spared
him. You saved him from that life."
"Why couldn't it have been me? I hate this world, this shit, why are we even
bothering? How do we know that when we get to Alabama we won't just find a
whole dead mass waiting for us?" Jensen sank into Jared, his voice not nearly
as angry and intense as he meant for it to be.
When Jared didn't get angry and defensive - which Jensen halfway expected
though he knew the boy better than that - Jensen nearly collapsed the rest of
the way forward. They sat in silence for a long time - too long, Jensen was
putting them at risk again - until he nearly nodded off to sleep.
Finally though, before Jensen could give into his exhaustion, Jared spoke.
"We're going to go there and find a home. We'll find my family and they can
become yours. I'll tell them how you saved my life so many times and how I'd be
so lost without you. But most importantly we'll be. And that's all that
matters."
It shouldn't be enough, it shouldn't heal any of the wounds deep and present in
Jensen, but he found himself smiling softly as he slowly sat back and wiped the
tears from under his eyes. The idea of their future - or lack thereof - was
terrifying, and still Jensen found himself nodding. "Yeah. Okay. Then let's
go."
Jared leaned forward and slid a gentle kiss over Jensen's lips. "You, me, and
the fucking zombies."
And the ironic thing? That didn't sound nearly as daunting as it should. "Just
you and me."
The End
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